


Girls Are From Venus, Boys From Mars

by artificial_ink



Series: Leaving Through The Window [4]
Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, And sometimes Clint pretends he's Robin Hood, Bucky gets his due, F/M, The boys want to know what girls talk about, Tony does not watch Sex in the City except when he does, Tony is an evil genius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-02-23
Packaged: 2017-12-03 08:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/696469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificial_ink/pseuds/artificial_ink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony decides that it's time for the guys to finally find out what happens in girlie conversations. The guys may or may not like what they hear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Girls Are From Venus, Boys From Mars

**Author's Note:**

> This is the follow up to Leaving Through The Window. It happens around a month after.

"Thanks Jar," Tony smiled and waved a hand at his butler who had brought up the last large tray of food. He kept one hand on his keyboard, typing binary into something he claimed he wanted to show to the other guys. 

"Of course sir," Jarvis said and bowed his head slightly before leaving. "If you young men have any other needs, don't hesitate to ask." 

"Will do!"

"Yeah, thanks for all the food Jarvis," Clint thanked, staring at the five trays that were brought up. He would have been in awe if he weren't used to the opulence of Stark Manner at this point. One tray had five different types of ice cold soda and the rest were piled with chili dogs, nachos, burgers, numerous flavoured chips, and rainbow coloured stuffed Twizzlers. The rest of the boys followed Clint's lead and thanked the always polite butler. Steve did so around a mouthful of a bacon and onion cheeseburger, making Bucky laugh to himself. Without hesitation, Clint picked up a small plate and filled it with melty cheesy nacho goodness. 

Friday nights at Tony's place were some of the best (not including his nights with Darcy but that hadn't happened for a month- at least not without a parent in the room keeping an eye on them and those had only recently become just shy of awkward). It was mostly because of the entertainment equipment he had in his bedroom. A huge flat screen TV connected to Hulu, Netflix and a satellite, all game consoles created since Atari and bookshelves of games to go with them, a pinball machine, a zombie video game machine complete with guns and huge speakers. At the moment, Tony had got up to play around with a wire in one of the speakers. It lead from the speaker to his computer, which was also connected to some small satellite looking contraption. Clint wondered if Tony was trying to find a way to air German porn stations again. 

"Gentlemen, prepare to be amazed," Tony smugly announced. 

"If you brought us here to celebrate another one of your science awards, I'll pass," Clint said, getting an eye roll from Tony. 

"No. I'm about to give you something no man has ever given you before."

"I don't like where this conversation is going," Bruce began. 

"Not that. No, this is an insight into the world of women."

"You're not going to make us watch _Sex in the City_ are you?" Steve asked, putting a game in XBox and picking up a controller. 

"Let me finish okay? So, the girls are having a huge slumber party at Pep's. She told me. All our girlfriends are going to be there. Well, with this switch," Tony pointed to a small toggle switch on the side of the satellite thing. "I can open a whole new world for us." 

"What did you do? Bug Pepper's room?" laughed Bucky. 

"That is exactly what I did." 

"You what?" frowned Steve.

"I put a small microphone in a teddy bear I gave Pepper and it is currently sitting on her shelf. Perfect location to pick up whatever they're saying."

"That's rude-" Steve started to say.

"Come on, don't we always talk about how we wished we knew what the girls think about?" Bucky pointed out.

"Yeah, but...I didn't mean like this. Peggy won't be happy."

"Peggy won't know," promised Tony.

"Hey, I'm up for it," Clint said. 

"Me too I guess. Though I think this is going to end badly," Bruce mentioned.  

"Course you'd pick the soccer game. You're too predictable. You need to get more hobbies," Bucky rolled his eyes when he saw the title blink on the TV screen. 

"I can choose whatever XBox game I want," Steve insisted.

"I didn't say you couldn't. I just said you need to find more things to do than play soccer."

"Okay boys, lets get this party started!" smiled Tony, flipping the switch on dramatically. After a few seconds, pop music and the clear voices of girls filled the speakers. Tony lifted his arms up and cried joyfully, "Success! I'm a genius!" 

"We know, now shut up," Clint considered throwing a French fry at him but ate it instead. 

"I don't care, I am not taking part in this," Steve stated and paid close attention to his video game though he left it on mute. 

"I have a theory that girls talk about even nastier stuff than we do. Anyone wanna put money on that?" Bucky asked, getting shushes from Clint but a fifty dollar bill from Tony.

"You're on. But I'm putting fifty bucks on them only talking about weird sex stuff. In detail."

"Deal. You know, you can't learn everything about women from _Sex in the City_." 

"I only watched it that one time," insisted Tony. 

"Yeah? Then why was season three on your Netflix DVD queue? I just looked through it like ten minutes ago."

"It's for Pepper!"

"Whatever gets you to sleep at night," ribbed Clint. 

"Believe me, Pepper's one of many things that get me to sleep at night, if you know what I mean." 

"We all know what you mean," Steve shouted, manoeuvring his player around the field. "Pepper has the most magical lady parts in all the land, we get it already." 

"Pepper-" Tony began but Bucky cut in.

"Tony, imma let you finish but Nat has the most magical lady parts of all time," smirked Bucky, trying to sound like Kanye West.

"Let's not get into this argument, please?" begged Bruce, not wanting to undergo another detailed explanation of the merits of both girls' breast size- all in the voice of Kanye West. "You can talk about it later. This is happening now." 

"As always Bruce, wonderful point. Women are talking about women things."

"Jessica Chen swore by it. Said it clears up your skin like mad and purifies your system or something," a voice that sounded a little like Sif's said. 

"It's nasty tasting. What kind of dates are these again?" Pepper spoke up.

"I don't know. She said some Chinese name I couldn't pronounce."

"Well it's nasty because you're not supposed to eat the ginger bits," Peggy explained. 

"I don't know, I think if you added some honey, it wouldn't taste too bad," mused Natasha. "That's good for your immune system as well. Though I think Jessica's skin is so clear mostly because she drinks like, a litre of water a day. That's probably clearing up her system."

"What are they talking about?" asked Clint but the other boys only shrugged. 

"I think I'll stick to my Proactive," Pepper sighed.

"I can't afford it. I'll try anything at this point," Sif admitted. 

"What about Clearasil?"

"I think you just need better makeup, to clean the brushes after you use them and good exfoliation at night," Peggy started. "I started using these all organic brands and my skin is loads better." 

"What do you use? I don't want to go broke buying all new stuff."

"Well Bare Minerals is good. I really love Aromaleigh though. They're all online but they send samples and have some good prices. Here, I should have some eye shadow in my bag."

"Oh god, I'm allergic to this mask. My face is burning!" squeaked Betty.  

"That's supposed to happen. It's actually a refreshing tingle. At least, that's what the package says," Pepper said. 

"How many times has Tony said that to a girl?" Clint mock whispered to Bucky. Tony threw a chip at him but it only flew halfway before hitting the ground. 

"It's burning and I'm going to wash it off. I'll make an avocado and cucumber mask again. _That's_ refreshing and I know what's in it because I made it." 

"Hey, this Aromaleigh stuff is really nice."

"Right?"

"Honey! Some more of your friend are here!" Mrs. Potts muffled shouts leaked through. 

"Thanks mom! I'll be down in a second!" 

"Hey, make some more popcorn!" Sif requested. 

"Come down and make it yourself."

"Don't worry, I'll pop a bag in," Betty called.

"Grabs some chips too!" 

There was the sound of some shuffling and the song that was playing was changed, all the while, Sif and Peggy chatted about which nail polish brand was better. The boys shifted and continued to eat, all disappointed in the conversation but no one wanted to speak up. After a few minutes, Tony picked up a burger and took a huge bite, chewing and thinking. 

"You know, I'm sure it'll get better. Once all the girly shit is done. They'll get to the sex talk."  

"They better. Or else I'm joining in on Steve's game," warned Bucky.

"I'm sorry to say that I may join in as well," Bruce joked. 

"Finally, what took you guys so long?" Peggy asked suddenly. 

"Shh!" Tony waved for the boys to be quiet.

"Darcy insisted we go to the mall. We were there _forever_ ," complained Jane, the soft thud of her falling onto the bed or another soft surface was mixed with the rustling of paper bags.

"I'm finally allowed to go outside without my parents. Of course I went shopping," Darcy explained. 

"What did you buy?" Pepper asked. 

"Well I got a new toy for Helena because I felt bad. She always cries when I leave."

"I fucking hate that cat," Clint frowned, thinking about Darcy's new kitten.

"You hate it because Loki bought it for her," Bruce pointed out. 

"To keep her company while she's grounded my fucking ass," Clint replied. "I think he trained it to attack me. It scratched and hissed when I try to pet it or get near Darcy."

"Maybe her dad trained it," offered Tony and Clint considered that.  

"Who the fuck names a cat Helena anyway?" Clint started to rant again. He did not appreciate Loki charming Darcy's mom and being allowed over when her grounding rules started to become less strict. Tutoring her? Clint didn't buy it nor did he trust Loki as far as he could throw the slimy worm. It also wasn't helpful that Darcy didn't see what Loki was trying to do and call Clint overly protective for no reason. 

"Hey do you think the sale will still be on tomorrow?" asked Peggy. "I need to buy some more jeans."

"It should. It was a weekend sale."

"Oh my fucking god. Is this all they're going to talk about? Makeup and shopping?" Bucky groaned. Taking time from his video game, Steve turned and looked over his shoulder to smirk at his best friend.  

"I don't know, the avocado and cucumber mask does sound soothing," joked Bruce. 

"...I almost got these adorable pink and grey shoes but Jane said I have too many already." 

"And I reminded her that her dad would kill her for getting another pair." 

"You can never have too many shoes," Pepper advised.

"Pep's got hundreds of them," confirmed Tony. "Actually, I think they've started to split. Mitosis or something." Bruce was the only one chuckling (or who fully understood) the joke. 

"I don't see why you needed a pair of heels that high. You hardly wear heels anyway," Jane defended her previous answer from earlier that day. 

"Well...I thought they might match," Darcy started a little shyly. 

"Match what? The blouse?" Sif asked absentmindedly, the sound of someone riffling through a paper bag in the background. "Oh! Or this thong. And bra?"

" _Oooh_!" Some of the girls started to tease.  

"What's with matching heels to your underwear? Huh?" Sif asked with a laugh. 

"Uh, I," Darcy began. "Okay _fine_. I thought Clint might like it. Matching panties, matching heels..."

"Fuck, Tony, dude, you should have risked putting in a camera," Clint said a little breathless, eyes wide as he tried to imagine what the whole outfit might look like. 

"I didn't have time to disguise one properly in the bear. Next prototype though."

"I can't wait till tomorrow," smiled Clint. 

"Watch it," warned Bucky, "I don't want to have to pour cold water on you." 

"So, right after being ungrounded, you're going right back to having sex with your boyfriend. The reason your parents grounded you in the first place?" Natasha reasoned. 

"Yeah," said Darcy like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We only did it like, two and a half times by then anyway. He was just starting to get okay at it when I got grounded." Clint cleared his throat at that admission, hoping he wasn't turning too red. Tony started to snicker. "I thought that it would be nice, y'know, to wear something cute tomorrow on our date."

"You think he'll see it when he's trying to nail you in the back of the car?" Natasha asked and the complaints from some of the other girls showed they thought it was on the mean side. "No, listen. I don't think he'll care about matching underwear so much as just trying to stick it in you."

"Stop now, I think it's sweet," Betty claimed.

"Yeah," Clint chimed in, even though Darcy couldn't hear him. He decided he needed to remember to compliment her on her underwear tomorrow night. 

"I'm not saying it isn't sweet! I'm just saying, I live with Clint and it's like watching a caged dog in heat." At this point, Tony started to laugh hysterically and Clint jumped him. Putting Stark in a headlock didn't stop his laughter and Natasha's next words made the other guys laugh. "Actually, no, I'm glad you two are going on a date tomorrow. I've started to worry that he's going to start humping the throw pillows."

"That's not true!" cried Clint, letting go of Tony roughly, who was snorting and wiping tears from the corners of his eyes.    

"Then," Darcy began with more confidence. "I hope he waits till the car's hidden enough to try and 'stick it in me'."

"Now, don't be like that. I just meant don't get your hopes up that he'll appreciate it. He's going to be too mesmerised by your breasts to notice anything else." 

"Do I detect a hint of bitterness?" asked Peggy. "Bucky not the type to notice your outfits huh?" 

"God, last week he asked if I cut my hair. I got it cut like, 5 months ago and he didn't notice and now it's the same length as it was when I got it cut."

"Really?" Bucky said, trying to remember Natasha's hair from months before but not getting anywhere. "That's why she was so angry."

"Lesson from me to you," Tony began, mouth full and waving a fry authoritatively. "Always compliment your girlfriend's hair and ask if she did something different with it. At least once a week."  

"I'm sorry Darcy."

"It's fine..." There was a lengthily pause before Darcy hesitated. "My, my mom got me started on birth control y'know."

" _Nice_!" Tony cheered, waggling his eyebrows at Clint and raising his hand up for a high five, even though they were a little far apart for that. Clint rolled his eyes at the display even though he was actually super pumped. 

"Oh, that's great," Natasha said, hint of relief in her voice.

"My dad doesn't know because I think he'd actually _kill_ Clint if he found out. But my mom said she knew that I'd start having sex again anyway. Wanted to make sure I was safe. So I thought it would be nice if I had matching panties and shoes because like, it's our first time since we stopped and my mom approves. She's pretty much giving me permission to have loads of sex with him."

"I repeat Tony's sentiment," smirked Bucky, patting Clint on the back. "'Nice."

"It's not like I want to have sex with him in the back of a car but my dad made sure I can't sneak through my window anymore. I wanted to do whatever I could to make it more special." 

"Dude, screw the movies. You should rent a hotel room. Have the date there," suggested Tony. 

"Classy Stark," Steve criticised. 

"Darcy, I will personally drive you to the mall tomorrow so you can buy those shoes. Who says romance is dead?" Pepper announced.

"Always the romantic, mine," Tony joked fondly.  

"Hold on...two an a half times?" Peggy asked for clarification.

"Uh yeah. Mrs. Romanoff sort of, almost walked in when we were in the middle of it." 

"Seriously, get a hotel room," Bucky advised. 

"Hey, Pep, turn it up!" asked Betty when a new pop song started to play. Natasha's frustrated groan was followed by Peggy's laugh. 

"Nat, don't be a snob. You know the rules, we all get to choose songs," Peggy said. 

"I know but c'mon? Katy Perry? She shoots whip cream out of her breasts! And what the hell is this song about? Did she just say Lolita? She does know that Lolita was a 12 year old abducted by her stepfather and-"

"Her songs are catchy. Calm down," Peggy cut in, successfully ending the argument. Natasha huffed but didn't continue.

"I had a dream once, where Pep's breasts shot whip cream," Tony remembered glassy eyed, leaning back and placing his arms behind his head. 

"I don't want to hear about it," Steve said simply, not taking his eyes off the running man on the TV screen. 

"It'd be fuckin' awesome if Darcy's breasts shot whip cream. It'll be, like, a snack after sex and I wouldn't have to get out of bed for it," mused Clint, starting to grin at the idea. Tony sat up with a matching grin. 

"I know! Right?" 

"Sorry to ruin your fun but I say we end this conversation before Tony tries to invent a wearable whip cream bra gun and give it to Pepper for her birthday without her knowing what it does," Bruce mentioned, getting grumbles from Clint and Tony. Pulling out a notebook, Tony started to sketch out possible plans for a whip cream bra but it quickly deteriorated into him just drawing boobs. 

"Tonight I'm gonna come alive! Make you forget about your 9 to 5!" Betty was singing loudly and there was a cheeky tone to it. She was joined by Sif and Darcy, probably in an attempt to annoy Natasha. "Are you ready for your blood to rise? Tonight's the night I'm dressing up for you!"

"God, I'd love it if Darcy dressed up like, like Maid Marion and we did it in a glen or something," Clint said softly. The snickers around him let him know he had said it out loud and he started to blush. 

"I think that says a lot about your inner psychology, Clint," teased Steve. 

"Those are the true words of a man not getting any," joined Bucky with a chuckle, patting Clint on the shoulder and lowering his voice. "Hey don't worry, Steve used to have wet dreams about Peggy being Wonder Woman."  

"Hey!" Steve shouted, tossing a throw pillow at Bucky and successfully hitting him on the back of the head. "What about your fantasies of Natasha as The Little Mermaid?" 

"Dude, shut up!" 

"The Little Mermaid? Is that why you like redheads so much?" asked Clint sceptically. "Didn't she have a Jamaican lobster sidekick?"

"Sebastian was a crab and Ariel gave up everything to be with Eric. That's what love is you dick," Bucky shouted angrily, starting to stand up and tackle the laughing Clint. 

"Now, now children, play nice," Tony mocked. Bucky cooled down slightly but stood up and walked over to smack the back of Clint's head. "All of you shut up. I can't hear anything." 

"There, Lana Del Rey," Darcy said. "I know for a fact you don't hate her."

"The male dependancy in her lyrics are troubling but I pretend she's caricaturing stereotypes and the delusion of the American Dream," Natasha explained a little haughty. 

"Blue jeans, white shirt, walked into the room, y'know you made my eyes burn," Darcy began to sing softy, trailing off but then sighing sappily. "Clint would be totally hot as James Dean." 

"Please," snorted Pepper, "Bucky would make a _much_ better James Dean. Just ask Nat what she has to say about _that_."

All the boys sat up straighter and started to listen a little more intently. Even Steve paused his game. 

" _Shut up_! You promised you wouldn't tell," growled Natasha but Pepper just laughed and continued.

"Besides, Clint's too decent. And a little too short."

"Hey!" cried Clint, insulted.

"Hey, she's right you know," smirked Bucky, laughing at the punch Clint landed on his arm. "Maybe I should amp up the Rebel Without A Cause around Nat..."

"Shh!" ordered Tony. 

"C'mon, he's not that short. And I bet James Dean wasn't that tall either," defended Darcy. "But I guess your right. But oh my god..."

"What?" asked Pepper when Darcy broke down into giggles. 

"I had this dream about Clint the other night," Darcy said a little suggestively. 

"Oh? What happened?" asked Sif.

"I'll tell if Nat tells me what she thinks about Bucky as James Dean." 

"Too bad I don't want to hear about your dream." 

"Nat used to sleep with a picture of James Dean under her pillow and she told me in freshman year that she thought Bucky was hot like James Dean and that's why she went out with him!" Pepper rushed out. There was a struggle and the thud of somethings getting knocked over followed by Pepper's loud scream. The manic laughter from Pepper was muffled by something. 

"Damn it Pepper! You promised!" shouted Natasha. 

"Girls! Is everything all right up there?" 

"Yes mom!" 

"Tony, this is the best idea you ever had," Bucky announced with a huge grin, walking over with swagger to pick up another chili dog.   

"Nothing wrong with that," Peggy interjected. "Everyone loves a bad boy. You know, I sometimes imagine Steve as Dean from _Supernatural_. Like all badass and snarky and stuff. But, he's just plain old sweet Steve. And that's okay too." All the guys turned to look at Steve, who shifted so they couldn't see his face but there was a hint of red on his neck. Bucky looked like he was about to speak up but decided against it and simply placed a comforting hand on his shoulder before he walked back to the chairs around the speakers. 

"You know what, just tell me what your damn dream is," sighed Natasha, though she sounded more defeated than angry. 

"Okay,  so I had this dream the other night that like, all our boyfriends were super heroes. Oh and so were Sif and Nat. Except, Nat and Clint were more like, super spies and Sif and Thor and all them were alien gods."

"Alien gods?" Sif asked. 

"Yeah, you were all from Norse mythology except, you were from a different planet and early civilisation worshipped you like gods."

"I wouldn't mind that," Sif admitted.

"Okay, so some of us and the guys were superhero alien people," Natasha said, trying to lead Darcy to continue.

"But...I think Tony didn't have any powers. He just wore this robot suit that shot lasers and flew." 

"I'm so making one now," Tony grinned. 

"And Bruce was more of a rage monster who was exposed to too much radiation."

"Rage monster?" Bruce frowned. 

"And, Bucky had like a, weird robot arm. Actually I think he was one of the bad guys. I'm not sure. Anyway, they were all superheroes and apart of a group, called the Avengers. Who saved the world all the time. And then Loki, who was also a super alien god thing, like, tried to take over the world."

"I can see Loki doing that," said Clint. "With his stupid cat Helena at his side." 

"But, he teamed up with these other bad aliens and were destroying the earth. Then The Avengers teamed up and beat him. I felt really bad for Loki though." 

"UGH!" Clint groaned, leaning back and pulling at his hair. 

"And...you were giggling because we looked ridiculous in spandex?" Natasha ventured. 

"Well, you looked great." 

"Yeah, I tried to convince Nat to dress up as Catwoman last Halloween," smiled Bucky. 

"Oh god, but Clint was wearing a purple...Robin Hood dress thing? With tights and matching boots. I mean, the image was hilarious. But, I didn't think so in the dream." 

"At least dream Darcy is kind enough to not make fun of your fantasies," snickered Tony and Clint refused to move his hands away from his face. 

"Loki kidnapped me but Clint came and saved me. He carried me off and swung through a window. But the room was a big bedroom with a huge soft bed and he carried me over-"

"This is starting to get better," Clint sat back up.

"Get ready to owe me fifty bucks," Tony said smugly.

"We ended up...well I woke up when things starting getting really good."

"Next time loser," Bucky laughed triumphantly.  

"What do you think it all means?"

"I think it means you need to get laid," Jane explained. "And that you fell asleep watching _Heroes_ again."

"God, if you heard Clint stomp around the house at night when he's going to the bathroom, your dreams of him being a spy would be shattered," Natasha said dryly. "Surprised he was able to stay quiet when you snuck over. When my mom found your underwear in the wash, I wondered why I didn't hear a water buffalo dying the night before."  

"Why are you so grumpy tonight?" Pepper asked.

"Yeah Nat?" Clint agreed. There was a long pause before Natasha answered. 

"I've been thinking about breaking up with Bucky." 

"Haven't you done that like, 50 times before?"

"No, I mean it this time. Like really break up with him. For good. No taking him back. No talking to him after."

"Why?"

" _What_?" Bucky shouted, voice breaking a little but he tried to play it off like he didn't care. It didn't work.  

"We're graduating soon and probably going to different sides of the country. Honestly, the relationship's run it's course. I knew it wasn't going to last forever and it's lasted a lot longer than I thought it would, mostly because Bucky's such a stubborn idiot."

"You're about as stubborn as he is. I say you're evenly matched," Betty said softly. 

"Yeah well, I'm tired okay? He's more trouble than the relationship is worth and I want to start a new part of my life. I can't do that if he keeps trying to see what new lows it'll take to break my heart. Can I?" 

"Have you talked to him about it?" 

"There's no point in talking to him. He never listens unless it's what he wants to hear. Maybe this time, he'll start to grow up. But I'm done with him." 

"Bucky?" ventured Steve, when the boys stayed quiet for a minute, tensely watching Bucky. He had been staring at the speakers with a haunted look, despair and shame written across his face. Suddenly, he just stood up and left without grabbing his coat or looking back. Steve cleared his throat and picked up both their coats.

"I, uh, better go see if he's all right. Uh, thanks for having us over," Steve said awkwardly before following his best friend.  

"Well, this is the dumbest idea you've ever had," Clint frowned, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. 

"How was I supposed to know that was gonna happen? At least he got a warning. All right, all right. I'll turn it off. But I'm recording it for later and you can't ask to listen to it when you've changed your mind," Tony said, starting to type something into his computer. The wrong code must have been typed in because suddenly, the microphone squealed and the girls started to shout. 

"What the hell was that?" 

"Oh shit," Tony breathed, body going completely still from panic. 

"I don't know. I think it came from over there." 

"Tony? Tony, what happened?" frowned Bruce, trying to move Tony over so he could have a chance to look at the program. 

"Dude, what did you do?" Clint started to ask. 

"Hey, what's this?"

"Oh, a gift from Tony." 

"There's something pointy on the inside."

"Maybe it's a talking bear. Squeeze it and see."

"Ow!" All the girls screamed again when the microphone let out another shrill, piercing cry. 

"Here, cut open the back."

"Aw, not the teddy bear." 

"Is there anyway you can disable this?" Bruce asked, starting to type furiously. 

"It's from Tony Stark."

"Hm, good point." 

"It's got a lot of wires for a teddy bear. Even a talking one."

 "Is this a microphone or something?" 

"What? No. Wait...that little weasel! TONY STARK! YOU'RE SO-" Pepper started to scream but Bruce just closed the lid of the laptop and cut off her last word. 

"If I don't get to have sex with my girlfriend tomorrow night because she's angry at you, then I'll kill you," warned Clint. 

"She'll probably be more angry at you for listening with me," Tony pointed out but a ringing from his pocket made him jump up. Frantically, he pulled his cell phone out of the pocket and threw it across the room, not needing to look at the caller ID to know who it was. "Oh god, I'm never gonna see Pepper's breasts again. Ever," he moaned dramatically.  

"I know this probably isn't the best time," Clint started,"and Imma let you finish, but Darcy's breast are the best of all time. Much better than Pepper's and Nat's."  

 

**Author's Note:**

> (Edit to add ends notes I forgot to put in originally)  
> End Notes1: I only started watching Supernatural recently and am only at season 4 but assume my explanation of Dean is relatively consisted throughout the seasons. 
> 
> End Notes2:The cat is named Helena partially because in Norse mythology, Loki's daughter is named Hel. And partially because in this universe, my headcannon says Loki is the emo theatre nerd that listens to My Chemical Romance.


End file.
